The Road Not Taken
It is out of sheer desperation that i have started blogging again. For the past few weeks i have been attempting to cram as much into my head as possible, to no avail.
Oh it's Finals season yet again, you may think, so what's the big deal? Well, ever since getting back my results for my mid semester exams, i have been struggling not to fall into depression. For a start, this is my penultimate semester in the University of Western Australia, from which i will graduate(hopefully) with a degree in economics with majors in Money&Banking as well as Investment Finance in Trading. Since years past, i have been known to be pretty lazy, frequently just scraping by for my exams, not fully utilizing my potential. But early this year i vowed to change, i promised myself that i will put in my best effort this year, no doubt about it. And i did, almost.
The year started brilliantly. I, with a few friends, moved into a new unit which is practically just behind the university, i had the privilege of owning a car, i still have my beloved girlfriend with me, i attended classes and tutorials(a big thing for me). Since everything was going so right for me, i for once really believed that anything is achievable, if one tries hard enough. Then came the mid semester exams. My confidence ran high, nevertheless the bombshell hit. Of the 4 subjects that i am taking(Business Econometrics, Monetary Economics, Investment Analysis, and International Finance), save for Investment Analysis, I tanked them all. I did so badly for Business Econometrics that multiplying the results by 2 wouldn't even put it on par with the results i got for any other subjects that i have sat for. Yes, this came even after i for once actually put in hard work. I have fared better previously with far less effort, or with even no effort at all. Few days ago, i also got back my assignment for Investment Analysis, which was the only subject i did well for my mid semester exams. I wished for the best, since i did it with a few group members and was pretty confident with our work. It tanked too. At that point in time, nothing seemed possible for me anymore.
The gravity of the situation got me thinking, and as much as i hate to say it, because of family pressure, i once aspired and was expected to become a successful investment banker. Was i prepared for that? Was it the right profession for me? Would i like doing what i have studied? Was it a right choice for me coming to Australia? All sorts of questions popped up in my mind.
I used to like economics, i always tell myself, but i don't love it. It was just the second best alternative as weighed by opportunity costs. If given a chance, i think i would have done much better in the arts/designs/events management line. Ok now maybe that doesn't change anything since i have established that economics is the most practical one and has the highest earning ability compared to the rest, but what if, i always wondered, what if i stayed back in KL instead of transferring here? The competition in my previous college was practically non-existent, the difficulty of the subjects there are a whole level easier compared to what i'm doing here now, though the degree i would've gotten would be given out by a tier 2 university. But at least i could have scored, easily.
Now i frequently doubt myself, questioning my abilities. Family pressure doesn't help, nor does the sense of guilt for spending so much of my dad's hard earned money and achieving so little. If any, the lessons that i have learned here is that either do what you love and be very good in it, or just go into IT or accounting, at least those would guarantee employment.
Looking back now, the only worthy thing coming out from my choice of economics above all others seems to be getting to know my beloved girlfriend in college, which was in itself one of the best things to happen to me in my life. Given a chance, though, I wish i had chosen the path i had not.
Oh it's Finals season yet again, you may think, so what's the big deal? Well, ever since getting back my results for my mid semester exams, i have been struggling not to fall into depression. For a start, this is my penultimate semester in the University of Western Australia, from which i will graduate(hopefully) with a degree in economics with majors in Money&Banking as well as Investment Finance in Trading. Since years past, i have been known to be pretty lazy, frequently just scraping by for my exams, not fully utilizing my potential. But early this year i vowed to change, i promised myself that i will put in my best effort this year, no doubt about it. And i did, almost.
The year started brilliantly. I, with a few friends, moved into a new unit which is practically just behind the university, i had the privilege of owning a car, i still have my beloved girlfriend with me, i attended classes and tutorials(a big thing for me). Since everything was going so right for me, i for once really believed that anything is achievable, if one tries hard enough. Then came the mid semester exams. My confidence ran high, nevertheless the bombshell hit. Of the 4 subjects that i am taking(Business Econometrics, Monetary Economics, Investment Analysis, and International Finance), save for Investment Analysis, I tanked them all. I did so badly for Business Econometrics that multiplying the results by 2 wouldn't even put it on par with the results i got for any other subjects that i have sat for. Yes, this came even after i for once actually put in hard work. I have fared better previously with far less effort, or with even no effort at all. Few days ago, i also got back my assignment for Investment Analysis, which was the only subject i did well for my mid semester exams. I wished for the best, since i did it with a few group members and was pretty confident with our work. It tanked too. At that point in time, nothing seemed possible for me anymore.
The gravity of the situation got me thinking, and as much as i hate to say it, because of family pressure, i once aspired and was expected to become a successful investment banker. Was i prepared for that? Was it the right profession for me? Would i like doing what i have studied? Was it a right choice for me coming to Australia? All sorts of questions popped up in my mind.
I used to like economics, i always tell myself, but i don't love it. It was just the second best alternative as weighed by opportunity costs. If given a chance, i think i would have done much better in the arts/designs/events management line. Ok now maybe that doesn't change anything since i have established that economics is the most practical one and has the highest earning ability compared to the rest, but what if, i always wondered, what if i stayed back in KL instead of transferring here? The competition in my previous college was practically non-existent, the difficulty of the subjects there are a whole level easier compared to what i'm doing here now, though the degree i would've gotten would be given out by a tier 2 university. But at least i could have scored, easily.
Now i frequently doubt myself, questioning my abilities. Family pressure doesn't help, nor does the sense of guilt for spending so much of my dad's hard earned money and achieving so little. If any, the lessons that i have learned here is that either do what you love and be very good in it, or just go into IT or accounting, at least those would guarantee employment.
Looking back now, the only worthy thing coming out from my choice of economics above all others seems to be getting to know my beloved girlfriend in college, which was in itself one of the best things to happen to me in my life. Given a chance, though, I wish i had chosen the path i had not.
posted by ckwei at 5:55 PM
10 Comments:
Hey mate, the grass is always greener on the other side. Its a cliche one, but its true. Hang in there and im sure all will work out in the end. 10 years from now u will be looking back at this period in time, and you wont be regretting it. May the force be with you my friend.
It is indeed, but then more often than not there will be a predictable trade-off(for most people anyway), of choosing between doing something they like for little money, or doing something they dont for a larger sum. It may surprise you but i am actually envious of you, having such an exciting job while bagging loads :P Yes, it may be insufferable being separated from nicole, but at least you're not trapped in the office all day doing what you don't like while earning peanuts for it rite? :P
digressing, i heard that your brother is quite the party animal. You on the other hand, sound just like a domesticated man XD so you already grew out of the 'phase', or just not the party type to begin with? :P
Hey you :)
Back then, things seemed easier plainly because they were. University is a whole different ball game, and with different set marking criterias, more uptight markers and more kiasu people (those who want to do well in uni are usually those who work harder than what everyone conceives as 'hard', plus they manage time well).
Guess you'll just have to stick with it and see what happens, with time I'm sure you'll grow more into it, get the hang of the format and desired answers etc more.
It'll look up *hug*
CKwei, dont be envious of me lah.. im not as lucky or well-off as people presume.. thats why I have to go back to work! *sob sob* But you are right about the office job, I tried that once and put up with it just for the experience, and I dont think I cant ever do it again, cept maybe if I was the boss and hired a load of nice-looking girls at the office *kidding*
To be fair, I started my blog when I had just become comfortable with my job and earnings.. there is a whole unseen part of the sacrificing and suffering I had to undergo to put me where I am today. Maybe I shall blog about that someday. So hang in there mate! Sacrifice now and enjoy later on..
My brother a party animal, and not me? lol, you have no idea mate. I havent blogged much about my party side.. maybe when I get a good 'night-vision' camera. My motto is 'work hard and play hard'.
Btw, how do u know my brother?
shu : yes i know its uni, but then it wasn't that competitive as it were back in kl. here, the smart ones are really smart, not just hardworking, unlike in kl, where the high scoring ones are only those that forcefeed themselves with books. and problem is, i'm just unlucky at times when it comes to the sorts of questions that comes out during exam.
russ : true that it is just but the present you that i'm able to see, but nevertheless, it looks fulfilling to me :P i used to think that office jobs are ok, as long as there is sufficient compensation. i guess things have changed since then.
heh, but honestly compared to your brother u really dont look like the party type, relatively speaking of course. i dont exactly 'know him' know him, 've just heard of his name before, and that one of my best friends knows him. i have to say though, penang is a small place, almost everyone knows or at least has heard of everyone else, especially those english educated and sociable ones in the similar age group :)
So when you're back in Penang we must go for a drink then. And maybe my 'party' side will surface... :P
never knew you can be so depressingly pensive. heh.
sorry i have not been around as often as i had. i too had been going through my own kind of depression.
and. from that, i know things will come clear soon. since you have already taken the path you are on, look down it without any regrets. what could have been can never be anymore. all you can do is look forward and work your way to better your life.
i know it is easier said than done, but when the clouds have cleared, you will see the road once again.
i am not saying it will be easy, but hey, you have got a bunch of good friends backing you up. and a lovely girlfriend who has been with you since day one. (not to mention, me too!) so do not think you are alone on this. most of your friends are probably going through the same thing. we can all go through this transition together.
hang in there, buddy.
ps: sorry this is late. heh. :)
Hey CKWei, whats happened to you mate? LoooooOOOooong time no hear from u.... u alright??? Anybody home???? :(
CKwei, uve been tagged!! :P
of course, can't refuse a cold bottle of beer over some chit chat can i :P will be awesome too if i could have a look at your monster :D
pensive? far from it my dear celeste.. i'm not near anywhere as articulate as you, so it took me like 20 days to cough up those words? :P but yeah, friends are everything. i was depressingly down until i finally met up with the gang again in adelaide, and everything changed since :) hope ur doin good as well, since u've been ignoring my msn as of late :P
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