The Road Not Taken
It is out of sheer desperation that i have started blogging again. For the past few weeks i have been attempting to cram as much into my head as possible, to no avail.
Oh it's Finals season yet again, you may think, so what's the big deal? Well, ever since getting back my results for my mid semester exams, i have been struggling not to fall into depression. For a start, this is my penultimate semester in the University of Western Australia, from which i will graduate(hopefully) with a degree in economics with majors in Money&Banking as well as Investment Finance in Trading. Since years past, i have been known to be pretty lazy, frequently just scraping by for my exams, not fully utilizing my potential. But early this year i vowed to change, i promised myself that i will put in my best effort this year, no doubt about it. And i did, almost.
The year started brilliantly. I, with a few friends, moved into a new unit which is practically just behind the university, i had the privilege of owning a car, i still have my beloved girlfriend with me, i attended classes and tutorials(a big thing for me). Since everything was going so right for me, i for once really believed that anything is achievable, if one tries hard enough. Then came the mid semester exams. My confidence ran high, nevertheless the bombshell hit. Of the 4 subjects that i am taking(Business Econometrics, Monetary Economics, Investment Analysis, and International Finance), save for Investment Analysis, I tanked them all. I did so badly for Business Econometrics that multiplying the results by 2 wouldn't even put it on par with the results i got for any other subjects that i have sat for. Yes, this came even after i for once actually put in hard work. I have fared better previously with far less effort, or with even no effort at all. Few days ago, i also got back my assignment for Investment Analysis, which was the only subject i did well for my mid semester exams. I wished for the best, since i did it with a few group members and was pretty confident with our work. It tanked too. At that point in time, nothing seemed possible for me anymore.
The gravity of the situation got me thinking, and as much as i hate to say it, because of family pressure, i once aspired and was expected to become a successful investment banker. Was i prepared for that? Was it the right profession for me? Would i like doing what i have studied? Was it a right choice for me coming to Australia? All sorts of questions popped up in my mind.
I used to like economics, i always tell myself, but i don't love it. It was just the second best alternative as weighed by opportunity costs. If given a chance, i think i would have done much better in the arts/designs/events management line. Ok now maybe that doesn't change anything since i have established that economics is the most practical one and has the highest earning ability compared to the rest, but what if, i always wondered, what if i stayed back in KL instead of transferring here? The competition in my previous college was practically non-existent, the difficulty of the subjects there are a whole level easier compared to what i'm doing here now, though the degree i would've gotten would be given out by a tier 2 university. But at least i could have scored, easily.
Now i frequently doubt myself, questioning my abilities. Family pressure doesn't help, nor does the sense of guilt for spending so much of my dad's hard earned money and achieving so little. If any, the lessons that i have learned here is that either do what you love and be very good in it, or just go into IT or accounting, at least those would guarantee employment.
Looking back now, the only worthy thing coming out from my choice of economics above all others seems to be getting to know my beloved girlfriend in college, which was in itself one of the best things to happen to me in my life. Given a chance, though, I wish i had chosen the path i had not.
Oh it's Finals season yet again, you may think, so what's the big deal? Well, ever since getting back my results for my mid semester exams, i have been struggling not to fall into depression. For a start, this is my penultimate semester in the University of Western Australia, from which i will graduate(hopefully) with a degree in economics with majors in Money&Banking as well as Investment Finance in Trading. Since years past, i have been known to be pretty lazy, frequently just scraping by for my exams, not fully utilizing my potential. But early this year i vowed to change, i promised myself that i will put in my best effort this year, no doubt about it. And i did, almost.
The year started brilliantly. I, with a few friends, moved into a new unit which is practically just behind the university, i had the privilege of owning a car, i still have my beloved girlfriend with me, i attended classes and tutorials(a big thing for me). Since everything was going so right for me, i for once really believed that anything is achievable, if one tries hard enough. Then came the mid semester exams. My confidence ran high, nevertheless the bombshell hit. Of the 4 subjects that i am taking(Business Econometrics, Monetary Economics, Investment Analysis, and International Finance), save for Investment Analysis, I tanked them all. I did so badly for Business Econometrics that multiplying the results by 2 wouldn't even put it on par with the results i got for any other subjects that i have sat for. Yes, this came even after i for once actually put in hard work. I have fared better previously with far less effort, or with even no effort at all. Few days ago, i also got back my assignment for Investment Analysis, which was the only subject i did well for my mid semester exams. I wished for the best, since i did it with a few group members and was pretty confident with our work. It tanked too. At that point in time, nothing seemed possible for me anymore.
The gravity of the situation got me thinking, and as much as i hate to say it, because of family pressure, i once aspired and was expected to become a successful investment banker. Was i prepared for that? Was it the right profession for me? Would i like doing what i have studied? Was it a right choice for me coming to Australia? All sorts of questions popped up in my mind.
I used to like economics, i always tell myself, but i don't love it. It was just the second best alternative as weighed by opportunity costs. If given a chance, i think i would have done much better in the arts/designs/events management line. Ok now maybe that doesn't change anything since i have established that economics is the most practical one and has the highest earning ability compared to the rest, but what if, i always wondered, what if i stayed back in KL instead of transferring here? The competition in my previous college was practically non-existent, the difficulty of the subjects there are a whole level easier compared to what i'm doing here now, though the degree i would've gotten would be given out by a tier 2 university. But at least i could have scored, easily.
Now i frequently doubt myself, questioning my abilities. Family pressure doesn't help, nor does the sense of guilt for spending so much of my dad's hard earned money and achieving so little. If any, the lessons that i have learned here is that either do what you love and be very good in it, or just go into IT or accounting, at least those would guarantee employment.
Looking back now, the only worthy thing coming out from my choice of economics above all others seems to be getting to know my beloved girlfriend in college, which was in itself one of the best things to happen to me in my life. Given a chance, though, I wish i had chosen the path i had not.
posted by ckwei at 5:55 PM
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